Chris Colfer Does Not Go On Tumblr
by Samster Doodle
Summary: In which Darren wants to troll Tumblr, but Chris is not easily coerced. Basically, I'm indulging myself in a G-rated manner. Humor me.


"Chris. CHRIS!" Darren yelled, running at me with his laptop placed precariously in his arms. His hair was Blaine-esque, with copious amounts of styling gel. He had obviously been laying down recently, because the back was sticking up all funny.

"Darren, Darren!" I yelled back mockingly, gently taking the computer out of his arms before he had a chance to drop it. It was a judicious concern; Darren was often as manic and hyperactive as an overstimulated puppy, which in turn made him clumsy and somewhat destructive. By now I was quite good at judging his energy levels. It wasn't too difficult – any sort of shaking/bouncing/screaming was usually involved. It was now second nature for me to make a necessary assessment of his vitality and the take appropriate action and move valuables, fragile items, and anything sharp out of his way.

Darren took the laptop back, his eyes shining with that impish spark in them – a telltale sign of him being over-hyper. I sighed. No doubt something would be breaking within the next ten minutes. I just hoped it wasn't any bones.

"Have you been on tumblr recently?" Darren asked, his words coming out breathy and labored. I wondered how long he had been running around for trying to find me. The set wasn't huge, but there were a lot of rooms and a lot of trailers and a lot of places where I could be hiding.

"No way." I said, my eyes wide. "That place is freaky. I don't even check out links that people tweet me just in case it takes me to that asylum of insanity."

Darren shook his head, laughing. "I just stay away from anything Riker sends me, and I'm usually fine."

"Still," I said quietly. "Tumblr is scary." I shivered dramatically to emphasize my point.

"Yes, yes it is." Darren agreed. His eyes were shining and his mouth was twisted into a sneaky grin. "Which is precisely why we are going to troll it. Right now."

"No freaking way!" I said, taking a few steps back. "Remember the last time we tried that? I couldn't look you in the eyes for a week!"

"So we'll stay off the CrissColfer tag," Darren shrugged, still smiling.

"Not good enough." I mumbled. "Those people are tagging-enthusiasts! We could probably find something CrissColfer-related on the Modern Family tag."

"Well that wouldn't shock me," Darren laughed. "They beat us in like, every Emmy. Which they totally deserved, you know. I mean, you deserved it more, but Ty Burrel is pretty cool. Not that you're, you know, uncool or anything….and I should just shut up."

I was literally on the floor, laughing so hard that the muscles in my sides started to burn. Darren stared down at me, feigning offense. "Geez Darren, way to stick your foot in your mouth." I giggled, accepting his hand when he reached down to help me up. Even when I was laughing at him, he was ever the dapper gentleman. I swear, that gel was seeping into his brain and turning him more and more into his blazer-and-bowtie wearing alter-ego.

"Okay, so now that we are done laughing at my awkwardness…" he said, nudging me in the arm. "Tumblr?" he suggested, his eyebrows practically wiggling. It was actually quite comical, those two isosceles triangles bobbing up and down. But I swallowed my laugh, not wanting to bruise Darren's feelings any more than I already had.

"Nope." I said simply. "I'm sticking to my previous argument. Tumblr is scary, and I will do everything in my power as a simple, awkward, Golden-Globe winning human to stay away from there."

"Wow Chris. Subtle." Darren laughed. "But I will render your argument invalid."

"And how exactly do you plan on doing that?" I asked, arching one eyebrow and donning one of my superior "Kurt" faces.

"By tickling you until you surrender," Darren said, his voice low and evil. Then, with a swiftness I didn't know was possible, I was back on the floor. Somehow, the laptop had been put aside just in time for Darren to climb on top of me and pin me by my shoulders before I had a chance to react.

"So," Darren said, his voice low and menacing. "Are you going to surrender, or will I need to coerce you into giving in?" He wiggles his fingers to make his point.

I swallowed thickly. "Never!" I shouted in my best would-be martyr voice. Darren looked shocked for a moment, then shrugged and dove down, his fingers tickling every inch of me he could reach. Screaming, I tried to roll away, but his knees were placed on either side of my hips, making it impossible to get away.

"Darren!" I half whined, half screamed. I couldn't breathe. "Are you going to give in?" he asked, his fingers still moving.

"N-no." I said, still laughing and gasping simultaneously. My resolve was diminishing. But there was no way I'd let him beat me.

If I thought my negative response would convince Darren that I was incoercible, I was sorely wrong. He redoubled his efforts, biting his lip in concentration as he tickled me harder and faster. I was dying, and not in a good way. My vision was beginning to fuzz around the edges and there was a burning in my chest as I fought for air. I knew I was going to have to give in. Cursing my sensitive nerves, I managed to choke out a raspy "fine."

Darren's fingers stopped and he stared at me, his eyes wide. "What?" he asked.

"I said FINE, I'll go on tumblr with you." I grumbled, shoving him off of me and rising to my feet. I brushed some non-existent dirt off my jeans and gave him the best glare I could muster. Unfortunately, Darren was unfazed. He grabbed his laptop off the floor, his vigor renewed, and began bouncing on the heels of his foot. "Awesome!" he exclaimed, then proceeded to type in the URL, balancing the laptop in one hand as he attempted to type with the other.

I should have expected it, given Darren's excitement and clumsiness, but I was too busy recovering from my torture-session to see it coming. But it happened. Almost in slow motion, I looked up to see the laptop, placed precariously atop his right hand, begin to wobble. There was a dramatic moment where everything seemed to still, then Darren's face contorted in alarm as the computer slipped from his grasp and went crashing to the floor.

For a moment, we just stood there. Darren's face wide in alarm and mine just as equally stunned. Then it hit me, and I started laughing again. Well, wheezing really, given all the laughter I had just experienced and the fact that I had not fully gained my breath back from before. Darren scowled.

"It's not funny," he pouted, crouching on the floor and picking up the intact, but blank screened computer. He pressed a few buttons, hoping to get a response. There was nothing.

'Well Darren, what'd I tell you," I laughed, helping him to his feet and patting him on the shoulder. "Chris Colfer doesn't go on tumblr."

Then, because I could, I walked away. As I turned the corner, I could've sworn I heard a laugh from behind me, but maybe it was just my own laughter ringing in my ears.


End file.
